From the Desk of Donald Trump
Thank you for your attention to this matter ...
From the desk of Donald Trump: Thank you for your attention to this matter!
I know I typically end my brilliant Truths with this line, and I love how it’s become a catch-phrase all across our great nation. So many people tell me they love ending their conversations in this manner. I hear it all the time. Why, just the other day, Stephen Miller said, “I hate non-white people.” Then he winked at me and Marco, and said, “Thank you for your attention to this matter.” Oh, what a great laugh we had. Stephen is such a card.
If you could win a Nobel for a catch phrase, well, I have so many. It wouldn’t be a contest. And since those bastards will never give me a Nobel for peace, and I love peace so much, I said to Vladimir just the other day, “Don’t you love peace, Vladimir,” and he said, “Shut the fuck up.” He’s such a comedian. So many Nobels, and they all should be mine.
But I digress. I’m weaving. It’s called the weave. All the smartest people do it. That’s what they tell me. But let me return to what I want you to pay attention to.
The lamestream media is scum. They’re disrespecting our brave ICE men. These men aren’t Vanilla Ice. No. They’re ICE men, like Iceman in “Top Gun,” what was his name, Val Kilmer, but before he got dead. I don’t know why they cover their faces. If they looked like Val Kilmer, they wouldn’t have to. Maybe they're not so hot. I don’t know. Maybe they look like Jeff Bezos. Like a bald pinata. How did he get that woman he’s marrying? I don’t know. It’s like that singer for the Cars, remember that band, how did he ever get Paulina Porizkova? I don’t know. Somehow they do it. I’d drive her home any night. I got Melania, but look at me. Everyone says all the women wanted me. Or at least that’s what Jeffrey told me. “Hey look at that girl, she’s a sophomore. She’s into you.” But they all were. But I’m weavin’ again.
Just look how “The Atlantic” wrote about the four brave ICE men who beat up that brown man the other day. Such a failing magazine. They call it the “Atlantic.” They should call it the Sargasso Sea. Have people heard of that Sea? Nobody knows about it. I learned about it. All full of brown seaweed. Yuck. They made a movie, “The Wide Sargasso Sea.” It’s not so wide. Australians made it. Rachel Ward. She was hot. Not enough nudity in that film. I was so ready too. Had my lotion. I kept thinking, any minute now she’ll take off her clothes. We’d get a glimpse, but never enough. Then Melania popped in. Killed the mood. I said it’s a movie about a sea, a documentary. She said, that’s Preparation H. I don’t think you want that. Can’t put anything over on that woman. I’m glad I got that killer prenup.
But just look at how the “Atlantic” scum write about the brave ICE men taking down that terrorist gardener. You might have seen the video. Four guys beating the crap out of an old man.
“Four men had Narciso Barranco surrounded,” says “The Atlantic.” I call him Nuclear Narciso. Very dangerous man. Barracuda Barranco. That’s why it took four of our brave ICE men to get him down.
“When they’d approached him, he was doing landscape work outside of an IHOP in Santa Ana, California. Frightened, Barranco attempted to run away. By the time a bystander started filming, the agents had caught him and pinned him, face down, on the road.”
You see how deceitful “The commie Atlantic” is. Failing magazine. Just went to twelve issues a year instead of ten. They’re failing up, I like to say. It’s a saying I thought up. Failing up. It’s when you’re failing, but you do better. Everyone says it’s a very good saying. Lots of people use it now. I’ve heard it used of me. And everyone in my administration. I guess Pete did fail up. What a loser. But he kisses ass better than anyone. I said, Pete, your wife is giving me advice on targeting Frodo in Iran. How did she know about that? I said, it’s where the ring is. That nuclear ring. You remember in the movie. The ring spoke with that horrible raspy voice. I said to Baron, the ring sounds like RFK Jr. We laughed a lot at that. Baron’s a good kid. Melania told me she checked his search history, and there was a lot of stuff about how to become a citizen of Canada, best places to live in Canada, does Tim Hortons make good coffee, shit like that. That Baron …
Anyway, nowhere does the failing “Atlantic,” such vicious hatred for our country, nowhere does the Splatlantic mention that Nasty Narciso had a weed whacker. Very dangerous that landscape work. He ran with it in his hand. Our brave Icemen shouted, Throw down that scary string-on-a-stick thing. But he didn’t, so of course they had to take him down. If Badass Barranco gets away with it, soon there’ll be thousands of brown men with weed whackers pouring across the border chasing our brave Icemen around L. A. Of course, they wouldn’t have to chase them far. Did you see those guys? A lot of burgers under those belts. That’s why ICE has to catch the older working guys and women. Can you see them taking on real criminals? Yikes. They'd be the Iced Men. I know. I'll be here for four years.
Then the nasty “Atlantic” says, “One crouches and begins to pummel him, repeatedly, in the head. You can hear Barranco moaning in pain. Eventually, the masked men drag him to his feet and try to shove him into an SUV. When Barranco resists, one agent takes a rod and wedges it under his neck, attempting to steer him into the vehicle as if prodding livestock.”
Not a word of support for our selfless ICE men, giving up their pizza and donut time to pummel the heads of murderers and rapists. No respect. What you don’t see on that video is, at that very moment, one of the ICE men had opened Barranco’s trunk and was yelling, He’s got grass seed. Grass seed. So, not so innocent after all. The radical left wants these drug dealers in our country. Grass seed and weed whackers. Pedro Pascal should make a series about that threat. Although where is he from? Somebody check his status? We don’t want non-Americans making our zombie flicks.
At any rate, ICE had to be quick, because Badass Barranco has three sons in the Marines. These guys could have rappelled out of helicopters at any moment like Tom Cruise in “Minority Report.” What a film. Hey Barranco, you’ve been red-balled. Some of my team wanted to put a system like that in place, but I said, Are you kidding? We’ll never get anything done. The courts are bad enough. Won’t let us break the law when we want. Can’t have Tom Cruise dropping on our heads before we deport someone.
The “Atlantic” finished with a total cheap shot. So like writers. Have to finish with a flourish. Stormy used to say, Donald, finish with a flourish, but I was already dressed and rearranging my hair in the bathroom. So disappointed she was. Women, so hard to please. They’re like writers. Always wanting a redo. Who's got the time?!
So, here’s how the loser writer at the Atlantic finished. “At any moment, the same president who sent an emboldened ICE after their father could also command his sons into battle. That president has described Latinos as ‘criminals’ and ‘anchor babies,’ but the Barrancos and so many like them, immigrants or the children of immigrants, are not ‘invading’ America; they’re defending it.
"Alejandro said that he and his brothers ‘feel hurt; we feel betrayed.’ Their father taught them to ‘respect this country, thank this country, and then that led us to join the Marine Corps and kind of give back to the country and be thankful,’ he said.
“Alejandro was deployed to Kabul in 2021, when the U.S. was evacuating from Afghanistan. Had a Marine treated a detainee the way that the Border Patrol agents treated his father, he told MSNBC, it would have been considered a war crime.”
Oh boo hoo. I’ll get out my tiny drum kit. How does it go? Someone’s getting’ all weepy and you say, Oh boo hoo, and you make like you’re drumming on a little drum kit. Works every time. I’ve had people say, what the hell are you doing, but then they always say, that’s great, sir. We like that a lot.
Look, I got more of the Hispanico vote than any president in history. The Latin-exes love me. We call them the Latin-exes, because they used to vote for Democrats. So, they’re exes as far as the Democrats are concerned. That’s why we call them that. Anyway, they love me.
Everybody loves me. My poll numbers are sky high. Most popular president in history. What we’re doing to the illegals is as popular as what we did to the Japanese … we have to call them that now, the Japanese … anyway during one of the big wars we gave them new homes, and all the history books say that was brilliant. Same thing with the natives. Some people call it the Indian Removal. I call it the Indian Gentrification. We paid their way to Oklahoma, and who wouldn’t want to leave the Smoky Mountains for Oklahoma? Oral Roberts loved it. Good basketball team. Just won the big championship. Anyway, we gave them great new homes in Oklahoma.
And that’s all we’re doing with the Hispanicos.
And as soon as we pass my Big, Beautiful Bill, we’ll have billions more to spend relocating people who aren’t white. Not many know that, ‘cuz there’s so many pages, and my people don’t read, but we like that, ‘cuz we snuck in billions of dollars to hire more dad bods to chase hard-working immigrants around. Not real confident in their manhood, these boys, but that just gives them extra incentive to grab women off the street and beat up old men.
And now that the Supremes have given me an avenue to get rid of birthright citizenship, well, nits make lice, as the old Indian fighters used to say.
Hmm, actually I may delete this post. I don’t like to do that, but I had you all distracted with that Iran thing. Don’t exactly want you focused on ICE or my Big, Beautiful Bill.
The press that hates this country says my bill “largely benefits the wealthy.” But “largely” means “not totally.” There’ll be scraps for everybody, even all my poor MAGA saps.
Keep the faith! Thank you for your attention to this matter.